Pregnancy is a journey that can be truly a incredible and beautiful time; bringing new life into this world, it really is amazing what your body can do. But what if the journey is not what you thought it would be? What if you just don’t feel glowing and special like you’re constantly TOLD you are supposed to?
When people asked me how I was doing? I lied. Every time. I told them, ‘Oh you know, doing great.’ or just dodged the question. And why? Because I felt this unbelievable guilt for NOT loving it. And not even just a little – quite frankly I hated almost every second. Don’t get me wrong, I felt incredibly lucky and grateful for getting pregnant so easily, but should I just put a brave face on through all the
morning all day sickness, or the fact that my hip problems got so bad I could barely walk by the end & my partner had to lift me out of bed?
It’s just not something that we are allowed to be honest about. For the first time I find myself relating to Kim Kardashian West (something I never thought I’d write!), she has an incredible platform to voice her opinion and in a new post on her blog announced, “For me, pregnancy is the worst experience of my life!” I read this and thought FINALLY, someone was brave enough to just say it. I can only imagine the backlash she is getting, but why? Motherhood is wonderful but life shouldn’t always been seen through Instagram filtered perfection. She continues with fervour: “I don’t enjoy one moment of it and I don’t understand people who enjoy it. Maybe it’s the swelling, the backaches, or just the complete mindfuck of how your body expands and nothing fits. I just always feel like I’m not in my own skin. . . . I don’t feel sexy either—I feel insecure and most of the time I just feel gross.”
So many other mothers have said to me, ‘Oh I had the perfect pregnancy.’ and I can’t help but feel incredibly jealous. I wanted that – so badly. I wanted to get over my morning sickness and start glowing but that never happened for me. I trawled the internet for other mums’ feeling the same but I couldn’t find anyone willing to just come out and say it how it was. I had no idea that you get a new set of symptoms every two weeks – you just start to learn how to deal with them and a whole new batch arrive for you to figure out. Or the fact that you bleed for weeks after giving birth – or how long it will take you to even START to feel like yourself again. Joy of joys!!! Maybe if someone had come out and said it, I would have been more prepared for what I was heading into?
But you know what, the second she arrived, none of this mattered anymore. I finally got that glowing feeling that I’d been looking for when I held my beautiful baby girl.
I just want to be allowed to say, honestly, how I felt during pregnancy without fearing a pitch fork carrying mob! Maybe Kim’s brave declaration is the catalyst for many women to feel able to be honest about how they are really feeling, which I think can only be a good thing.
What do you think? Please do share your pregnancy experiences good, bad or ugly in the comments below..!